Communicating non-violently – in blog posts…

In the communication departments, it takes very thick skin from time to time. Then, for example, when criticism is practiced in a very emotional way and in addition seemingly inappropriately – found in forums or on social media…

The approach of non-violent communication offers an answer to the question of how such statements can nevertheless be handled in such a way that a possible basis for discussion arises. 

Non-violent communication helps to respond to critical and hurtful statements in such a way that the other person feels heard and the hidden feelings from which the original statement was made are named. Out of anger, frustration and anger, such disappointed needs can be derived. A valuable feedback.

Instructions and first steps

1. Describe the observation of a concrete action (or non-action) without evaluating or interpreting it. Only the perception, not the interpretation of the action is required here, so no prejudgment!

2nd. Express the feeling with which the observation is related. What exactly do you feel?

3rd. Seek the need behind the feeling and formulate it. It is important that it is truly your own need.

4. In a further step, it is necessary to perceive the feelings and needs of the other person, which are hidden in the negative statement of the other. This is usually an accusation or a generalisation. For example, he says: "You are ALWAYS late…" a feeling and a need. First of all, this is an accusation. The feeling is anger or anger. The disappointed need is a lack of recognition or perceived disrespect. 

4. Create a request in which you ask for a very specific action. The request is formulated positively and clearly. There must be no accusation hidden in the request. For example, this could be a request to find a meeting together on which one wants to take care of the matter.

Compliance with precisely this order is important for the success of non-violent communication. If the sequence is changed, then one runs the risk of argumentation as to why one would like to have a change of behaviour. Therefore, the neutral presentation of the facts always comes first, followed by the emotional level and the resulting and disappointed needs. The conclusion takes the form of a concrete request and a request for action.

Marshall B. Rosenberg, the inventor of non-violent communication, calls this form to speak, the Girffen language. Whereas speaking purely emotionally, in which we like to act in an injurious way, is called a wolf language. The Rosenberg iang's giraffe language follows this pattern:

"When I perceive A, I feel B because I need C. That's why I ask for D." 

Exercise 1

Sit down in a triangle for three. A person (A) observed. Another person (B) talks about a problem. The third person (C) listens attentively and attentively. He/she repeats again and again what he/she has noticed, but does not give any advice. The important thing here at the moment is to stay with the person (B). All we have to do is to be aware and to give again. A reflects B according to what he/she has heard. C shares his observations. C also tries to name addressed feelings

Exercise 2

Think with a partner about a situation they are usually very annoyed about. How would they normally address her, how do they do it today with the help of non-violent communication?

List of disappointed feelings

Averse
to the sl
oping ad
renaline r
ush ala
rms-o
nly-ex
cited-an
xious-al
armed-e
xcited-
excited
-up-exc
ited-up-
excited
-out-of-
the-dept
h woes fro
m the ca
st immed-up-
shocked i
nsulted-
bemuse
d-affec
ted-aff
ected-a
ffected
–dep
ressive
-depr
essive
-depres
sive-d
epres
sive-de
pressiv
e-primi
ertthe nose
ful
l-dump-mud
-thirs
ty jealou
sy-in
dign
ant-d
ismayed-
dismayed
Dishea
rtenhor
rifiedd
dddd-di
sarmer-b
oster
tired
Disillus
ioned
excited
, exhau
sted shak
en shake
n stare
s stunned
laz
y dark
-frustrat
ed fear
ful Hear
tfelt feeling
-les
s-stres
sed-o
ut par
alyzed
-bore
d-aged-st
retch
ed-out
-stres
sed-s
tressed
-out-of
-the-art-
filled
-up-to-he
art-fill
ed-up-
to-heart-so-cal
led Pa
nic-str
icke
n co
ld-breaked
Halskr
ibb
eligl
aschleblo
sleth
argisch
lus
tlosmisera
belmüdemel
ancholi
sch
missmis
chmi
ttelm
ümümüris
ch mutlos 
lethargica
lly depressed
impotent
lyrical
ly passively touche
d perpl
exically pri
ckly raunc
hed with ang
er res
tlessly fe
d up
wit
h sour-s
care-
sleeping
-sloppy b
ad painfu
lly shy-
shy-sw
aying-he
avy-fe
eling-skep
tical-sk
eptical-w
orried-f
ree—–
——–
—-
—-
———-
——
———-
—–
———-
———-
———
———
——
——-
———
– Pressur
e overlo
ad oversa
turated u
ncomfortab
ly undecided
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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